Tom Hiddleston Owns 5 Things and Is Flawless

the-avengers-fans: Tom using neon yellow pants in...

Fri, 28 Dec 2012 13:05:48 -0500

Tom using neon yellow pants in Iceland .

See, I haven’t been on tumblr for about months, so you can imagine my absolute and utter delight when I found this gem sitting in my inbox. He’s wearing goddamn yellow ski trousers how brilliant is that. YELLOW. TROUSERS. NEON FREAKING TOUSERS he looks like a lemon popsicle and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or just stare at it until that acidic color burns my retinas away.

Did those buckles come straight out of a painting of the...

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 16:24:59 -0400

Did those buckles come straight out of a painting of the original Thanksgiving? Did you steal those pants from a Pilgrim? AND THAT JACKET. Tom that jacket makes you look like a lizard that was run through with a bedazzler.

The only complaint I have is that there are no equally sparkly leather pants to match. Then you could truly be a fabulous ~cold blooded reptile.

Wear this ridiculous jacket again. I like it. You are fabulous iguana.

This blog is everything I want in life. And I'm actually envious of Tom's impeccable outfit cycle. I wish I could pack like that.

Sat, 15 Sep 2012 16:22:57 -0400

Me 2 anon me 2.

I have like 13 scarves I try to take everywhere and they just don’t fit in my suitcase but does Tom have that problem no he just wears the same thing over and over again and he can do that because he’s probably naked the minute he gets home/to his hotel so his clothes don’t get gross. This is my theory anyways.

gofuckyourselftomhiddleston: Well, someone has on their sassy...

Thu, 09 Aug 2012 08:12:02 -0400

gofuckyourselftomhiddleston:

Well, someone has on their sassy capris and “I don’t give a fuck” frankenstein shoes.

Tom, you look ready to look the world in the eye and fucking flip it off.

So this is one of those prime examples of Tom dressing himself better than stylists because sassy capris. SASSY CAPRIS. Super questionable sassy capris. Whose decision was it to put you in those because clearly they are a danger to society? Or maybe those were just women’s pants originally and they got mixed up in his actual wardrobe for the shoot and the people in charge where just like, THESE TIGHT PANTS. I LIKE THEM. What they lose in leg length they make up in glorious crotch space.

We’re not talking about the shoes. We aren’t. Nope. They don’t exist.

I really appreciate how Tom managed to color coordinate the shoes-that-must-not-be-named, his beard, and THE WALL.

#talent

Actual fashion mishap #2 and even this is sort of excused...

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 21:08:18 -0400

Actual fashion mishap #2 and even this is sort of excused because it was 2007 and well even this is better than Robert Downey Jr. on his best day.

Nevermind. It’s not excused. THOSE ARE KNEE PATCHES. KNEE PATCHES. YOU DONT RIDE A MOTORCYCLE TOM YOU DON’T. And your track jacket (I don’t even know if I can talk about this) is the same fucking color as your jeans.

That piping on the jacket looks super adventurous, Tom.

You sit like a whore, outfit repeater. Ok, yes I chew out Tom...

Sun, 29 Jul 2012 19:26:54 -0400

You sit like a whore, outfit repeater.

Ok, yes I chew out Tom for wearing the same 5 things. But those 5 things work really well. This blazer is sturdy and well fitting (everything is well fitting when you have the body of a runway model). The t-shirt is clean and unwrinkled and clean. You cannot pull of a t-shirt and a blazer if your t-shirt is something you slept it.

Dem jeans tho.

hiddlestonisthegodofmischief: Are you wearing a blazer because...

Sat, 28 Jul 2012 19:20:50 -0400

hiddlestonisthegodofmischief:

Are you wearing a blazer because you blaze a hole in everyone’s vagina?

That’s be awkward.

Tom could never have sex.

He’d kill every woman that he slept with.

I’d gladly die if it meant one night of passion with Tom.

Instead of life ruiner, he would just be life ender.

I just had a thought. What if those pants are leather? wHAT iF?...

Fri, 27 Jul 2012 19:19:27 -0400

I just had a thought.

What if those pants are leather? wHAT iF? WHAT IF? WHAT IF?

WHAT IFFFF???????????????????/

So I thought that one of these days I would have to point out...

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 19:19:32 -0400

So I thought that one of these days I would have to point out those waxed jeans in particular, so I picked this picture and LO AND BEHOLD WHAT A GEM. Who would have thought I’d find evidence of Mr. Hiddleston’s SEVERE AND I MEAN TRAGICALLY CONSPICUOUS ANGELINA JOLIE LEG SYNDROME. Never change Tom. Never start closing your legs.

I don’t think those are leather, I think they’re those polyethylene pants people are wearing nowadays that are made to look leather-like, like waxed jeans or something. THE POINT IS THEY ARE GRAY AND SHIMMERY TOM. GRAY AND SHIMMERY. Also stop blazing a hole in my vagina with that ACTUALLY PERFECT AKA FLAWLESS AKA FREE OF BLEMISHES AKA PURE AS SNOW AKA LIKE JESUS blazer. I can’t. I’m dead. I think I’m drowning. grluururureewif jglrruuulllwd halp gekekrekgggrlll HALP.

I don’t want to talk about how you secretly snuck red into...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 19:35:58 -0400

I don’t want to talk about how you secretly snuck red into your wardobe by putting it on the back of your black vest. I just can’t my poor fragile heart can’t handle it.

Thank you all

Mon, 23 Jul 2012 00:57:53 -0400

This blog (for some reason?) managed to reach over 500 followers. Thank you all for being lovely people and being one with me in my need to foasdknfa sdnf s at Tom Hiddleston in the privacy of my own blog. Don’t be afraid to submit or ask questions or just put something in the ask box :*

Thank you all.

So here is a better view of the white back of that shirt and let...

Sun, 22 Jul 2012 19:27:59 -0400

So here is a better view of the white back of that shirt and let me tell you how my hatred for this shirt increases exponentially every time I comment on in, and the thing is, I HAVE TO COMMENT ON IT.

STUPID SHIRT. Look at that fucking v neck Tom. Did it even start out as a v-neck or have you worn it for a year straight without washing and stretched it out. INQUIRING MINDS MUST KNOW. I can see your cleavage in this photo Tom put it away it’s not decent you fucker.

Burberry model damn, someone get this man a contract with them...

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 19:29:54 -0400

Burberry model damn, someone get this man a contract with them because DAPPER.

Look at that khaki making his eyes look all green. But, darling, circle scarf on the red carpet? The only possible reasons I see for it are to protect you from the cold or from the spray of exploding ovaries and I’m pretty sure your coat is cozy enough to make the first one irrelevant.

WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A CONTRACT WITH BURBERRY YOU ARE SO SUITED TO HAUTE COUTURE YOU GORGEOUS, CHARMING, MONOCHROMATIC LITTLE SHIT.

So this is what happens when you back-comb a Golden Retriever....

Thu, 19 Jul 2012 19:28:04 -0400

So this is what happens when you back-comb a Golden Retriever. Tom your HAIR. ITS SO FLUFFY. FLUFF. FLUFF EVERYWHERE.

That shirt is a perfect shade of blue and you look like an angel and it’s not see through. No complaints.

Except, am I the only one intrigued by the fact that his legs are crossed? Like, I didn’t know that it was POSSIBLE.

I’m on vacation so I’m being nice.

Oh look how nice and colorful your burgundy tie is, and oh, look...

Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:26:40 -0400

Oh look how nice and colorful your burgundy tie is, and oh, look how well it matches with your beautifully tailored gray suit and even your shoes are lovely. And, what is that? Ginger curls? Clearly I couldn’t possibly have anything to criticize, right?

WRONG.

Everything about this outfit is flawless EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT YOU WORE THIS EXACT OUTFIT PLUS A MAN PURSE TO LONDON FUCKING FASHION WEEK. LONDON FASHION WEEK. AND THE BAFTA NOMINEE PARTY. AND LONDON FASHION WEEK.

Someone tell me these two events were like, withing MINUTES of each other because that is THE ONLY EXCUSE for this sort of outfit repetition. Tom your miniscule wardrobe sends monochromatic shards through my heart how can I make fun of you when there’s only three things to make fun of?

Tom Hiddleston and Michelle Dockery for TIME Magazine

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 16:59:14 -0400

Tom Hiddleston and Michelle Dockery for TIME Magazine

Obviously he needs room for his penis.

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 18:55:26 -0400

Obviously he needs room for his penis.

I don’t think any of you have been acquainted yet with my...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 19:00:02 -0400

I don’t think any of you have been acquainted yet with my fondness for velvet blazers and by fondness I mean unhealthy sexual attraction that burns with the passion of a couple GALAXIES (that’s a lot of suns in case you didn’t know)

Therefore, my first thought when I saw this thing was, OH GOD MY BRAIN IS MELTING OUT MY NOSE.

And that’s the story of how Tomismonochromaticallyfabulous died.

The end.

Inhuman screeching noise Tom god no assnfsdjfns djfnsdfnoif...

Sat, 14 Jul 2012 18:49:00 -0400

*Inhuman screeching noise*

Tom god no assnfsdjfns djfnsdfnoif wfnsdjnf sdnf skdnf skdf sf sfsdjf sjfsdjf WHY saejfsjd fs TOM NO kdnka TOOOOOMMMM ldnakdnskdasdn THIS ISN’T lasdna lsasd aOKAY TOM dfalskdnmk NOT OKAY sdasdnasjk dnandaa.

Sorry I think I was drowning.

Um. Wardrobe critique?

I’d give this a 10/10. Well done. Wear it again.

*flings self into Atlantic Ocean*

black-nata: tom we need to talk about your crotch it is out of...

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 16:59:43 -0400

black-nata:

tom

we need to talk about your crotch

it is out of control

Brown boots, leather pants, leather penis cage, leather jacket and double deep v-neck since 1403.

Tom. We need to talk about your wardrobe choices.

They’re out of control.