Thomas: why are you torturing us so? And by us I not only mean all who are salivating while staring at this delightful collage, but also the buttons of your shirt, who cannot keep it together anymore
pun intended, I’m so cool.
And ESPECIALLY ALL THAT TIGHTNESS IN THE CROTCHULAR AREA.
This is too much, sir. That shirt is delightfully close fitting, and leaves very little to the imagination. It has the added bonus of bringing out your eyes, thus making any attempts at eyefucking about 2000% more effective (you’re all pregnant now. With triplets). And all that plunging cleavage… Tone it the fuck down, Thomas.
The grey trousers, which can easily be confused with skinny jeans, and make it seem like you have more thigh gap than a Victoria Secret Angel (although that might have more to do with your natural inability to close your legs than with the trousers themselves).
And… ATTENTION! A WILD CURL APPEARED! Who are you, Thomas? Have you left Loki behind in favour of Clark Kent?
I just want you all to look at this. Pay attention, gals and gents. THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT.
THE DAY THIS FUCKING PHOTO WAS TAKEN, FUCKING HISTORY WAS MADE, DO YOU HEAR ME!?
Just look, the man is wearing three colours. THREE. TRES. TROIS. DREI. 3.
AND NONE OF THEM ARE EITHER BLACK OR WHITE.
(If you are thinking about telling me that those jeans are black, DON’T. They are fucking dark blue, don’t deny it).
Maybe that’s why he seems so upset and frowny… No monochromaticness whatsoever…
Oh. Wait. It’s just a regular eyefuck.
Look at this smug little snowflake, sitting like a whore on a robot-quad-thing and eyefucking everyone, who does he think he is? And as if the hair wasn’t enough do disarm us (long brown locks? I hardly recognise you sir), here he is in casualwear - not just a plain tee either, an actual, genuine attempt at it.
But allow me to make a bold deduction here. Those boots are his Ariat’s, given to him by real cowboys in California when he was learning to ride for the film Thor. The sunglasses are his, too - he wore them to Wimbledon a few years back. So is it not logical, then, that the whole outfit might be his? Could that drab plaid shirt and well-worn jeans have risen from the depths of the Hiddleston wardrobe, like a great monster emerging from a Scottish loch?
Perhaps, like the Loch Ness Monster, we shall never know
and yet Hiddlestoners will continue to cling onto the idea like the conspiracy theorists that we are.
Look at this jacket’s magical fabric. It’s black, but it’s DIFFERENT SHADES OF BLACK!! How is that even humanly possible?!?! Black is black: It doesn’t come in different bloody shades, that is just not possible.
Then whyyyyyyy??? Could it be that the jacket is made out of different fabrics? Then it would work! But it’s clear they are not different fabrics!!! IT’S THE SAME ALL THE TIME AND IT’S SO CONFUSIIIIING!!
This is yet more evidence that Thomas Hiddleston is not human, but a divine being sent from above to torture us poor mortals (and our ovaries).
I applaud your efforts to exit your fashion confort zone and wearing such a risky and otherwise colourful ensemble, however. I mean, it’s not just the fashion forward pattern of the jacket, but also the REALLY SURPRISING CHOICES OF SHIRT AND TIE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THOMAS, DO NOT BLIND US WITH SO MUCH COLOUR.
Also look at those adorable curls atop his head. They are so perfect and round.
I bet he sleeps with fucking hair rollers.
NEW CLOTHES NEW CLOTHES DING DING RINGA FUCKING DING
Want to know what I’m so excited about, my fine friends?
The fucking shoes.
Look at them, they shine white like the wings of angels. How in the hell does he expect to keep shoes like that clean? They’re already starting to look a little grubby (look at the smudges on that left one, tsk tsk) and this is the first time we’ve ever seen them - I do not think he has thought this through.
Also, the grey and confusing pants. Are they just thin sweatpants? They look like cotton, but very close-fitting cotton, just look at the way they cling to that booty when Tom is in what I like to call the ‘ultimate autograph booty pose’. Tone it down a few notches there, eh, Thomas, you’re getting a bit provocative.
Lastly, check out the new haircut, I think I have actually fallen pregnant just looking at it. All blond and straight and sleek, oh dear god, I haven’t been this excited about his hair since the days of Tom/Loki hybridism. Yikes.
Flashback time, folks.
No doubt we all remember that simpler time, when Marvel movies were yet to be made and ginger-blond curls roamed in abundance. Yes, those were beautiful years, and allow us to reminisce by -
Is that suit… velvet?
YES, YES IT IS, THIS SPECIMEN IS AN UNQUESTIONABLE EXAMPLE OF A BABY HIDDLES CLADDING HIS ENTIRE GORGEOUS BODY IN NAVY MOTHERFUCKING VELVET, PHOTOS THIS PRECIOUS ARE RARER THAN TEN CONSECUTIVE BLUE MOONS, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I GIVE UP ON LIFE.
Well, it’s good to see the man standing up for his fashion choices - after all, 9 times out of 10 he looks, as the Bard himself would say, ‘hot as fuck’.
The remaining tenth is when he attempts casualwear.
However, the fact that this tie is, apparently, not plastic, brings to light a question on the forefront of everyone’s minds: does Thomas William Hiddleston legitimately have a leather fetish? All sources point to a single answer.
Yes, yes he does have a leather kink as wide as the pacific ocean.
Behold, friends, a relic in the wardrobe of the Hiddles. This esteemed piece of clothing has held many names before, the ‘sheer shirt of panty flinging’ and ‘50 SHADES OF NO’ among them. Feared and revered in equal measure for its translucence and remarkably stretched v-neck, this t-shirt has crept onto the body of our casualwear-detesting snowflake more than once (X and X), leaving an estimated count of 34 dead and 275 injured.
Some are calling its revolutionary vibrant colour palette of grey and white is one of the greatest scandals of the 21st century, whilst others say that it shows a disturbing addiction to double-sided items of clothing, the likes of which (such as the mighty red-backed vest) have the potential to create a fallout of nuclear proportions.
Hiddlestoners have been warned to approach this man with caution, as donning such a controversial item of clothing is enough to constitute him as ‘armed and dangerous’. You have been warned.
tom hiddleston alphabet | o | outfits
"My one style rule? Try not to look like a tit." [x]
#Tom owns like 10 items of clothing #like a very fuckable cartoon character
This is so true. There is nothing else I can add. Except maybe for: fuck you Thomas. You have ruined my life with your monochromaticness and constant outfit repeating and overall perfection.
Several days ago, our darling Thomas posted this on twitter with the caption: “I Saw The Light”.
Well Thomas I have to agree with you there, because IS THAT A THREE PIECE SUIT WITH A FROCKCOAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! You definitely saw the light and FINALLY realised your calling in life is to wear such fancy suits while destroying the vestigial remains of our ovaries.
And then THAT HAT AND THE GUITAR OH MY FUCK YOU LOOK LIKE A SEXY SPANISH FLAMENCO CANTAOR.
Excuse me while I go breathe into a paper bag…
Is it? Could it be?
DAMN STRAIGHT THAT IS FUCKING PURPLE, YOU ARE NOT SEEING THIS INCORRECTLY, THAT SHIRT IS FUCKING LAVENDER PEOPLE, SOMEONE CALL THE CIA QUICKLY I HAVE A CONSPIRACY FOR THEM AND THAT CONSPIRACY IS THAT THOMAS WILLIAM HIDDLESTON IS POSSESSED, BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT THIS MAN WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD IN ANYTHING SO VIBRANT AS FUCKING PURPLE
I feel as though I need context for the oddity that is this image.Why have you decided to accessorise such a formal outfit - collared shirt, belt, and trousers - with a red jumper tied around your waist like a hipsash? Why do you own a red jumper at all, when your phobia of all bright colours runs so very deep? And why, why are you holding an illustrated egg?
These questions, and many more, are yet to be answered in the ever-bemused Hiddleston fandom.
There are many questionable aspects of this snap, however I will keep it to the clothing because that is why we are here - even if his theatrical cheese-holding pose is arguably the most hilarious thing I have ever seen, the sassy little bastard.
Here returns the White Shirt of Interviews Past, starched and straining at the buttons as ever we have seen it. Also, though the quality makes it hard to define with any certainty, that appears to be the black grandpa cardigan that we so often see - you know, this one.
In short, this is the go-to outfit seen approximately 3 billion times before, though never, ever with as much intoxication as is evident here. Dear, you already look a little tipsy, is the extra champagne really a necessity? But I respect your life choices, even your repetitious fashion ones.
After a long absence (for which I apologise most heartedly), I am proud to present: the day Hiddles didn’t get the memo that it was a chef/Ibiza themed party and you were meant to wear frigging WHITE, for god’s sake, Thomas, what is wrong with you?
So you decided to wear a black shirt. Not that I’m complaining, it certainly looks very good on
that hot bod you. But considering your wardrobe is filled with the white coloured variety (I mean you could set up a bloody shopping mall if you wished to), it couldn’t have been so hard to follow the dress code…
I do however applaud controlling your natural urges of tucking your shirt inside those grey trousers in order to at least adhere to the informality of the occasion.
Also, if you unbutton your shirt anymore, we are going to see your navel
not that we’d really mind tbh. You are showing more cleavage than your female friend, Thomas. Do control yourself.
From the video that brought you the infamous head torch frivolity comes another of the world’s great natural wonders: the form-fitting blue long-sleeve of glory.
Often a humble and overlooked garment, one should not underestimate the soul-crushing powers of a 3/4 length t-shirt. This particular example gains its traction largely from the way it highlights the wonderful pec muscle action happening underneath - ten out of ten experts would recommend this, because, you know, science and stuff.
I would also like to commend Tom on his choice of such a bright blue. He may not be aware of this (though we certainly are), but blue is a terrific colour for bringing out the eyes. Okay, I’m pretty certain that he did not deliberately pick this shirt with the knowledge that it would bring out his eyes. But happy accidents happen in this world, my friends, and this is one of them.
Lastly, a comment on the stance. Is it entirely necessary to stand like a catalogue model even in casual, everyday situations? That second photo is just uncanny, with the hand-on-hip and the light brushing of the jaw… No wonder he always looks so comfortable on the red carpet: he’s a natural poser.