Tom stays true to the red-white-and-blue with the return of the mighty plaid, half-unbuttoned because apparently he was distracted whilst dressing - by someone saying Shakespeare’s name three continents over, probably - and forgot to do up the top half. But that’s okay, because now we get a glimpse of the at least 13 chest hairs and also collarbones, which are second only to cheekbones in terms of boney-goodness.
This blog features: The Leather Jacket; The Vaguely Purple See Through Shirt; The Tight Black Pants; The 'I'm Really British' Cardigan; V-Necks, V-Necks Everywhere; Shimmery Trout Scarf.
This blog also features: Mr. Hiddleston's inability to close his legs, those vests that make him look like a god, his strange likeness to cheap frozen desserts, and his wild fear of colors other than gray and blue. This blog is 110% serious.
Stay tuned for Crotch Shot Saturdays.
This photoshoot is like a boomerang, it just keeps coming back with more absolute fashion gold.
Check out the asymmetrical collar on that coat, holy shit, it’s gorgeous
not to mention much better than the quilted or leather ones you seem to love so much. Plus, the floral shirt works surprisingly well in this ensemble - the navy keeps it grounded, so he looks less ‘garden-bed’ and more ‘get-into-my-bed’. Not that that’s wholly unusual from our Thomas, admittedly, but hey.
More illustrious fashion wonders from the set of ‘High Rise’. Here we have a few things we’ve seen before - the pants, the watch, the shoes - and, a few we haven’t:
Firstly, a new item: the ultra-low v-necked black shirt of plainness. I mean honestly, will you have a look at this thing? If it it scoops down any lower we’ll see his fucking belly button.
Also, the blueish-greyish sweatshirt. I’m not entirely sure why Tom decided that this would be appropriate to wear with grey dress pants. Nonetheless, we can only encourage his attempts to comprehend casualwear - he’s getting there, folks, he’s trying.
As a final note, I would like to point out the griminess of those white canvas shoes. It has been previously noted that they are a terribly impractical item to try and keep clean, or, to quote directly: “They shine white like the wings of angels… I do not think he has thought this through”. And just have a look now, they’re utterly dirty and worn.
I mean, I hate to say I told you so, Tom, but…
As we all know, Tom Hiddleston Owns Five Things and is Flawless.
Four of those five seem to be t-shirts. Let’s take the time and analyse each one of them:
1. The plain white tee: white is doubtlessly one of our dear Hiddles’ favourite colours, which makes this t-shirt a bit of a classic. Tom gives it his own touch by tucking it into whatever trousers he’s wearing with it. Never fails to make a statement.
2. The décolleté green Loki wonder: I seriously believe this tee doesn’t belong to Tom. He borrowed it from someone, because we haven’t seen it as much and certainly not since his Loki-times. It’s a shame, really. That plunging neckline really allowed us to enjoy the wonder of your twelve chest hairs.
3. The Vaguely Purple See Through Shirt: this one doesn’t really need a description. The overuse and over washing of this tee has given it a delightful transparent quality that allows us to appreciate his beautiful pector- OMG NIPPLEEEEEEEEES!! LOOK AT THEM IN ALL THEIR GLORIOUS GLORY!!!!
4. The blue Coriolanus tee: also known as “The Destroyer (of Ovaries)” among experts, this t-shirt showcases the perfection that is Tom Hiddleston’s torso while bringing out his eyes. Yes, it also allows us clear view of everything nipple related.
We have an army of miniature Hiddlestoners that we carry around in our pockets and shake until they come up with witty comments for the blog - honestly, it’s scandalous that we’re getting away it.
But in all seriousness, glad you like the blog, and that you think we’re funny. Well, we think we’re funny, but we’ve been informed that that’s not necessarily accurate.
P.S. Correction: you go girls. We actually have three admins maintaining this thing: Admin M (the original and the greatest), Admin Shakes (the not-really-new-enough-to-call-new-but-still-cool kid on the block) and little old me, Admin Geekchic. It’s a busy operation behind the scenes here.
Tom Hiddleston in Exhibition x
SUIT GAME TOO STRONG
**FORGETS TO BREATHE**
Thomas: why are you torturing us so? And by us I not only mean all who are salivating while staring at this delightful collage, but also the buttons of your shirt, who cannot keep it together anymore
pun intended, I’m so cool.
And ESPECIALLY ALL THAT TIGHTNESS IN THE CROTCHULAR AREA.
This is too much, sir. That shirt is delightfully close fitting, and leaves very little to the imagination. It has the added bonus of bringing out your eyes, thus making any attempts at eyefucking about 2000% more effective (you’re all pregnant now. With triplets). And all that plunging cleavage… Tone it the fuck down, Thomas.
The grey trousers, which can easily be confused with skinny jeans, and make it seem like you have more thigh gap than a Victoria Secret Angel (although that might have more to do with your natural inability to close your legs than with the trousers themselves).
And… ATTENTION! A WILD CURL APPEARED! Who are you, Thomas? Have you left Loki behind in favour of Clark Kent?
I just want you all to look at this. Pay attention, gals and gents. THIS SHIT IS IMPORTANT.
THE DAY THIS FUCKING PHOTO WAS TAKEN, FUCKING HISTORY WAS MADE, DO YOU HEAR ME!?
Just look, the man is wearing three colours. THREE. TRES. TROIS. DREI. 3.
AND NONE OF THEM ARE EITHER BLACK OR WHITE.
(If you are thinking about telling me that those jeans are black, DON’T. They are fucking dark blue, don’t deny it).
Maybe that’s why he seems so upset and frowny… No monochromaticness whatsoever…
Oh. Wait. It’s just a regular eyefuck.
Look at this smug little snowflake, sitting like a whore on a robot-quad-thing and eyefucking everyone, who does he think he is? And as if the hair wasn’t enough do disarm us (long brown locks? I hardly recognise you sir), here he is in casualwear - not just a plain tee either, an actual, genuine attempt at it.
But allow me to make a bold deduction here. Those boots are his Ariat’s, given to him by real cowboys in California when he was learning to ride for the film Thor. The sunglasses are his, too - he wore them to Wimbledon a few years back. So is it not logical, then, that the whole outfit might be his? Could that drab plaid shirt and well-worn jeans have risen from the depths of the Hiddleston wardrobe, like a great monster emerging from a Scottish loch?
Perhaps, like the Loch Ness Monster, we shall never know
and yet Hiddlestoners will continue to cling onto the idea like the conspiracy theorists that we are.
Look at this jacket’s magical fabric. It’s black, but it’s DIFFERENT SHADES OF BLACK!! How is that even humanly possible?!?! Black is black: It doesn’t come in different bloody shades, that is just not possible.
Then whyyyyyyy??? Could it be that the jacket is made out of different fabrics? Then it would work! But it’s clear they are not different fabrics!!! IT’S THE SAME ALL THE TIME AND IT’S SO CONFUSIIIIING!!
This is yet more evidence that Thomas Hiddleston is not human, but a divine being sent from above to torture us poor mortals (and our ovaries).
I applaud your efforts to exit your fashion confort zone and wearing such a risky and otherwise colourful ensemble, however. I mean, it’s not just the fashion forward pattern of the jacket, but also the REALLY SURPRISING CHOICES OF SHIRT AND TIE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THOMAS, DO NOT BLIND US WITH SO MUCH COLOUR.
Also look at those adorable curls atop his head. They are so perfect and round.
I bet he sleeps with fucking hair rollers.
NEW CLOTHES NEW CLOTHES DING DING RINGA FUCKING DING
Want to know what I’m so excited about, my fine friends?
The fucking shoes.
Look at them, they shine white like the wings of angels. How in the hell does he expect to keep shoes like that clean? They’re already starting to look a little grubby (look at the smudges on that left one, tsk tsk) and this is the first time we’ve ever seen them - I do not think he has thought this through.
Also, the grey and confusing pants. Are they just thin sweatpants? They look like cotton, but very close-fitting cotton, just look at the way they cling to that booty when Tom is in what I like to call the ‘ultimate autograph booty pose’. Tone it down a few notches there, eh, Thomas, you’re getting a bit provocative.
Lastly, check out the new haircut, I think I have actually fallen pregnant just looking at it. All blond and straight and sleek, oh dear god, I haven’t been this excited about his hair since the days of Tom/Loki hybridism. Yikes.
Flashback time, folks.
No doubt we all remember that simpler time, when Marvel movies were yet to be made and ginger-blond curls roamed in abundance. Yes, those were beautiful years, and allow us to reminisce by -
Is that suit… velvet?
YES, YES IT IS, THIS SPECIMEN IS AN UNQUESTIONABLE EXAMPLE OF A BABY HIDDLES CLADDING HIS ENTIRE GORGEOUS BODY IN NAVY MOTHERFUCKING VELVET, PHOTOS THIS PRECIOUS ARE RARER THAN TEN CONSECUTIVE BLUE MOONS, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I GIVE UP ON LIFE.
Well, it’s good to see the man standing up for his fashion choices - after all, 9 times out of 10 he looks, as the Bard himself would say, ‘hot as fuck’.
The remaining tenth is when he attempts casualwear.
However, the fact that this tie is, apparently, not plastic, brings to light a question on the forefront of everyone’s minds: does Thomas William Hiddleston legitimately have a leather fetish? All sources point to a single answer.
Yes, yes he does have a leather kink as wide as the pacific ocean.
Behold, friends, a relic in the wardrobe of the Hiddles. This esteemed piece of clothing has held many names before, the ‘sheer shirt of panty flinging’ and ‘50 SHADES OF NO’ among them. Feared and revered in equal measure for its translucence and remarkably stretched v-neck, this t-shirt has crept onto the body of our casualwear-detesting snowflake more than once (X and X), leaving an estimated count of 34 dead and 275 injured.
Some are calling its revolutionary vibrant colour palette of grey and white is one of the greatest scandals of the 21st century, whilst others say that it shows a disturbing addiction to double-sided items of clothing, the likes of which (such as the mighty red-backed vest) have the potential to create a fallout of nuclear proportions.
Hiddlestoners have been warned to approach this man with caution, as donning such a controversial item of clothing is enough to constitute him as ‘armed and dangerous’. You have been warned.